So, I was cooking dinner just now in my humble little kitchen. Well, multi-tasking, essentially. You see, my mind always wanders as I cook. Classic Alison. Doing one thing, but my brain is somewhere else.
So, I was thinking about a certain area in my life that I have normally kept my fingerprints all over, for lack of trust, really. Especially in this area, I didn’t think God was truly trustworthy. I didn’t think that He was truly good. And I REALLY thought that what He deemed good, would be the very thing that I would deem BAD. I felt that whatever I deemed GOOD for my life, He would give me the EXACT OPPOSITE, almost just to spite me, to make me feel absolutely horrible. Well, I’m speaking about this in past-tense terms, because, to put it quite simply – I’m not afraid anymore.
As I thought of this area of my life, I just felt such o p e n n e s s for the Lord to do WHATEVER THE HECK HE WANTS TO DO. It’s almost as if in my heart, there is this holy “Bring-It-On” mentality within me now. I’m just not afraid of what He wants to do, or what He wants to give me. It’s like, finally, there is an un-warped perception of the reality of God’s Goodness sinking into this thick skull of mine.
B R I N G I T O N, G O D. I’m not afraid of You. I’m not afraid of what You want to give me.
It’s like I hold this secret deep within the very root system of my heart that whispers to me, ‘He is good. He is so very good. He wants to give you good things. He loves to give you good things’. Truth be told, I can’t help but believe it now. It’s just the way it is now. I just believe it now. God seems to have done a miracle in the foundation and soil of my heart, ‘cos I certainly didn’t make this happen. The truth is just sticking to me like a pesky little glue gun. It’s just growing, like a big oak tree that’s not going anywhere. Deal with it, Ali. Accept this new reality, Ali. You really can trust God, Ali!
Things I feared He would do in this area of my life, I’m just not afraid of anymore. Somehow, if He wills it, it is the best thing for me. Who am I to withhold my trust from Him?
U N F L I N C H I N G T R U S T. Trust in God that doesn’t flinch when thinking of offering up all areas of my life to Him. Unflinching. No wincing when flinging wide the door of my heart for Him to come in and take hold of and stake His claim on. The Goodness of God has trampled all over the dark pockets of my heart that once trembled at the thought of letting Him get His hands on.
God, do whatever the heck You wanna do with my life – because if You’re in charge, it’s going to end well, and go well for me. I’m not afraid. Bring it on. Lay all YOUR will upon me. Lay all YOUR dreams upon me. Lay all YOUR desires upon me. May I carry them with a light, unburdened heart. And may I receive them with a soft, open heart, for You are, quite simply, GOOD.
Now, time to eat dinner…